I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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