dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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