So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
