You can't motorboat a personality
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
