Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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