Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
