ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
