Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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