I think i peed on brittanys purse
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
