She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Life is so much better after having sex.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
