At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
