he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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