i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
