she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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