Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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