he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
