If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
