I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
