how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
