Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
