Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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