What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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