The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
