If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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