I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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