Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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