have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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