from now on my penis is your penis
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
