i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
