After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
