Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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