I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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