She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
