i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
