Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
