He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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