i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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