we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
