wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
