No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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