ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
