you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
