so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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