It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
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