With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
