if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
