He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
