There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
