Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
