How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
