So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
