Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
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