I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
