God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Of course I have a pirate flag
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
