Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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