We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
